It Was Up To Me

Several years back, I wrote a poem inspired by Joyce Meyer‘s testimony. I remember thinking about the sexual abuse she suffered at the hands of her own biological father and how it went on for 14 years. I thought about how difficult it had to have been to forgive him…what an insurmountable impossibility in a person’s life; and yet, she chose to forgive, believing God would give her the strength to move past her feelings and thoughts and hurts and scars.

In a previous post, I mentioned how God led me to greener pastures than I could have ever found on my own. I believe that when people surrender and choose to forgive, it lends itself to the enjoyment of a fulfilling life. On the other hand, unforgiveness paves the way for bitterness and hatred and an existence that becomes dependent on tearing others down with criticism and judgement; blind to the fact that they are the ones who are harsh and judgemental and hateful.

Wagging fingers can become so pointed toward others and “what they did to me…” that they are completely unaware of the three fingers aimed straight back toward their own hate filled hearts. Then, it’s only a matter of time before they themselves become someone else’s perpetrator; and the cycle continues…

Forgiveness is the only remedy that ends the cycle and perpetuates healing.

Here is my poem…

It Was Up To Me

There’s a strength required to just let go,

That will allow the real me to show.

I can live happy and free.

All along,…it was up to me.

Feels so good to look you in the eye

And really mean “I love you” when we wave goodbye;

To feel strong and empowered by extending mercy

Instead of the resentment and pain in the midst of controversy.

I don’t know who I was trying to kid,

When I pointed my finger at all that you did.

I have faults and failings and sins of my own,

But I can’t go back. What’s done is done.

For so long I sat as your judge and jury

As I feasted on my rage and fury,

But as I sit here, I am stunned…

As I discover that I too, am the guilty one!

I’m reminded of a long time ago

When you asked for forgiveness…but I just wouldn’t let it go.

I was blinded and weak and refused to see

That the choice was mine because…it was up to me.

 Traci Haney – 8/17/07

Praying that today, you don’t let the temptation of holding unforgiveness keep you from the greener pastures God has waiting for you.

Comment below and tell me how unforgiveness has affected your life, or how you’ve found the “strength required to just let go.”

Traci

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About tracihaney

Traci is a wife and mother with a strong desire to see the family become all that God intended it to be. She has been married for 28 years to her husband Kevin since she was 18. They have two adult children, daughter and a son as well as a daughter in law and new granddaughter. Traci understands how blessed she is because she also knows the pain and emotional baggage of growing up in a very dysfunctional home and the toll that it takes on a person. Having experienced healing from those past hurts, she desires to help others heal in their own areas of hurt so they can live life to their fullest potential as they impact their families and communities as well. Because of her heart for parenting, she, along with her husband have led parenting small groups for the past five years at Milestone Church in Keller, TX which is their home church. They have recently become Small Group coaches, pouring into other leaders to help them to become more successful as they minister to the needs of their own groups. She has led women's small groups and has been involved in the single mom's ministry of Milestone Church as a blog contributor and speaker. Currently, she is in the process of writing a book on the subject of parenting and bringing up children who will continue as Christ followers even after they leave the home. With a strong desire to see people thrive in all areas of their lives, she writes this blog to offer encouragement, hope and sometimes, humor, for others. View all posts by tracihaney

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